Rearview Mirror What?

Who says reading doesnt heal the soul? Whoever came up with that, has never endured such sorrows. Ive always been a reader so when this disaster entered my life almost five months ago, i hit the books. "Anything to help", I remember thinking. Well those days are long gone and read through the heartache. Id put my itty bitty book light to great use. It was my best friend for a long while. Well needless to say, its retired. It has been for awhile now. Friends would give me advice on what to read. I surrounded myself with self help books. Catching myself stopping at every book store I passed. Reading half way through them and realizing that this wasnt for me. This is not the person I knew I was. So Id put each one aside and move on to the next.

Untill one of my great friends suggested Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man". Where has this book been all my life? He makes some amazing points. Makes you realize everything you thought you knew about men, love, commitment and relationships has been blurred and youve been misinformed. Well, Im not ashamed to admit that my vision was blurred and my standards were set too low. He mentioned, men will rise to the occassion no matter how high we set the bar if they wanted to. Its up to us woman to "set the bar", "have requirements". In that, I failed. He talks about the difference between womans love and mens. Men need to feel appreciated, supported and loved. Women's love stands the test of time, logic and all circumstances.

While reading this book, my eyes opened to the reasons why things didnt work out. And thats okay. If it wasnt now, something wouldve happened later im sure. It's funny cause I feel like im too young to be reading this literature. But im not. Im a young 23 years old with my whole life to live. Hundreds of people to meet, thousands of places to go and a happier life. "Dream Big"someone told me. Theres no better time, its now or never. "Do everything you always wanted, just never really had the chance to do."Its almost like I have this sense of sadness for those who dont get that "second chance." I guess Im one of the lucky ones. I dont look at this as a failure anymore. It would only be a failure if I sat back and watched life, my dreams, my hopes pass me by. Its amazing how differently I feel about life. Not being held down or like Harvey mentions settling for anything less than I should. I know my next time around will be different. I wont settle, I'll love differently, I'll protect what means the most and most of all I know what I want this time. Life is all about learning, loving and living...without looking back.  And thats what Im doing. Theres no rearview mirror on this girl.

On that note, Ellie and I couldnt be better. We smile, play, laugh and cuddle everyday. Things are right on track. Mommys doing better than ever and Ellies the happiest little girl Ive seen in a long time. She went to a tumbling class with Emma the other day and had a blast. She learned a new thing and loves to show anyone who will watch. As for me, Im working again and it feels better than ever. Thats crazy to think but I guess having a sense of purpose again is what I want.

Until next time...