A Day In the Life of a Single Mother

Watching her limp, defeated little body, broke my heart. My little amazing bundle of fresh air was crying for it it to go away. The pain. I had never seen her struggle to maintain that playful, tiny soul of hers. It was unbearable to watch. Though mommy was right there next to her. Wishing I could somehow take all the pain from her and put it all on me. Anything to have her back to her old self.

We ended up in the Emergency Room today. She had been vomiting all night. Twelve times to be exact. The nurse, who was on the other line, seemed so concerned. "Uhh Ms.Tobin, you need to take her to the ER as soon as possible. This isn't normal." I remember my head falling downward and wanting to cry. At that moment, I was terrified. All the possible things that could be wrong with her entered my head. I was telling myself that I could do this. I had to do this. I was all she had at that moment. She needed her mommy to be strong for her, even if she had to face it by herself. For the longest time, I was in a partnership. There was always someone I could lean on if I needed. Not today Felicia. It's all you.

The doctor and all the nurses loved Ellie. Each one of them said what a pretty name she had. They thought she was the cutest thing. She was given the sad face many times from different nurses. This little girl, who looked so pale, who was just laying there, lifeless, still managed to capture everyones heart. She would tell them all, "I'm sick."

We made it though. Through all the crying and pain. The catheter, the needles. She was a big girl. No infections. "Probably just a virus" we were told. She was really dehydrated. There was some sort of weight that lifted off my heart when we were told the findings. "She's going to be okay", I thought. Four hours from entering the hospital, I was leaving with my daughter in my arms. Ellie was by no means "herself" when we were discharged, but the relief of knowing she was going to be just fine, comforted my heart.

The long sleepless night I had just experienced, the worrying, the fever we took on together was all worth it. She's my daughter, the only thing that means the world to me and I was going to be there for her. I always will. Even if it means relying on myself. Today, I did it alone. No family waiting with me as I'm holding my daughter in the hospital bed as I stroke her sweaty hair, no one telling me everything's going to be just fine. It was just us. Ready to take on whatever was wrong together. I keep thinking, what if it was something more serious? I don't know how I would've handled that, alone. I'm sure there will be many more times in my life where it's just going to be Ellie and I. Scared, unsure of what the outcome will be. Today I learned that I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Sure, I was a mess but I will continue to take care of my daughter the best I know how. I don't need you or anyone else.  

.

They gave her some juice to see if she could keep it down. This is where my fingers were crossed. She drank 8oz within a few minutes. Poor baby was so thirsty.