Vision of Whats to Come

So plans have changed slightly. As mentioned before, I was planning on moving to Tucson this past Sunday. Well I decided to wait it out a little bit. Three weeks to be exact. As much as I want to move there, I cant see myself being able to sleep on my sisters couch with Ellie attached to my hip. So I made the decision to hold off for awhile. I want to try and keep Ellie as comfortable as possible, and to me, that wasn't fair to her.

I did visit Tucson this weekend though. Spent time with the family. I have to say it was very refreshing. The last time I was here, it was under different circumstances. The chapter where my life was falling apart before my eyes. I remember it so clearly. The Felicia I always knew, didn't exist at that moment. In that moment, I remember thinking I wasn't going to be able to get over this. Like my life was officially over. Never did I EVER think that Id be in the frame of mind I'm in now. Everyone said I was strong enough to get through it but I was only thinking about things in that very moment. I can picture myself bawling in my mothers arms, asking her if this is really happening.

But here I am now, in the same place where one part of my life ended and now another is beginning. I was shown a glimpse of my future, what it was going to be like here in Tucson. I feel so at ease here. Negative thoughts don't follow me around like they do so often back home. Home? I don't even think of it as my home anymore. That's my past, moving forward is my goal now. I actually didn't think about those that don't matter while I was here. It feels so good. Can I emphasize "so"? All my life, Ive been resistant to change. But for the first time, I'm excited. I think Ellie and I are really going to like it here. Today, we saw the apartments we're going to be moving into. Just that part excites me. They were very cute. Right by Mt. Lemon so the views are amazing. Being around family works wonders. I don't think anyone really pays attention to having family around until they go through a traumatizing experience that requires a lot of love and support. That's what I have here. Family that has been nothing short of amazing to Ellie and I.

In short, things are changing for the better. I'm now, more than ever, excited for my future.